In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
