How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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