I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize