You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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