Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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