If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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