Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
