When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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