sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
