everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
