i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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