K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
