so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I touched a dick in church today
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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