STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
