question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
3 2 1 whiskey
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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