This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
