There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
