I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
