return my video game
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
