he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
