I heard we made out
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
