She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
