yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
