I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
