We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
