we have pet lesbian snakes
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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