Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
