I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
