After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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