Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
