i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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