Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
