So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize