It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
