Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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