so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We just shotgunned beers for America
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
