imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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