I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
