Have you finally orgasmed yet?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize