How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
