I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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