If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
