I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
