peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
