i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
