Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
