U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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