this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
