That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
