We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
