Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
