Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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