Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
