the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
