Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize