i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
