Moan for me like Helen Keller
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
