dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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