hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
