Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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