it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
