Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
