the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize