the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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