I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
