Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
