I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize