Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
