I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Randomize
