Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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