Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
