walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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