Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
