My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
