well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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