she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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