She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
