I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize