then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
