dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
