Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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