just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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