I accidentally burped into my bong.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
