11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
