he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
