I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize