well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
