My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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