playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it's great music for shaving your balls
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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