Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
