Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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