yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
