Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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