i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
did you just send me my own nude
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize