Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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