"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
