Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am available for nakedness
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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