Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
