u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize