I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
