he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
