Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
