dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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